I promise not to lose my baby.

Like I almost lost that IVF book from the library.

I felt like such a bad citizen because I lost a book on IVF that I checked out from the library. I was waiting around in hopes that I would find it but I looked everywhere and couldn't find it. Mark found it when he cleaned out my car yesterday. (yes, he was off work and cleaned out my car for me, AFTER he took it to get an oil change and before he made me dinner. Am lucky. In your face!)

After many phone calls (and near brain-numbing calls transferred around the insurance industry) I got all of my IVF meds ordered. I should be receiving my stash in a week or so.

Clomid is going well. No side effects so far. I get my CD 10 bloodwork on Saturday, then my IVF protocol on Monday or Tuesday.

Also, have had ZERO caffeine since Friday.

You know how I said before that I quit coffee? I lied. I didn't really. I just wanted you to feel like a bad infertile for drinking coffee while I sacrificed for the good of my nonexistent fetus. (Really, I was weaning myself off, and Friday was D Day (D=Dammit I want some coffee rightfuckingnow please)).

But now, no coffee. Am sad. Send chocolate and maybe guns.

I do not have an original thought in my head.

The more I read infertility-related blogs, the more I realize that I don't have an original thought in my head. I maybe say it a different way (read: add lots of cuss words), but I haven't written anything that someone else in my very same position hasn't written or thought before.

Not that I'm trying to be exciting and different – there's no new fun way to spin the fact that I want a baby and don't have one. But hey, it makes me feel normal, I guess.

I start my Clomid tomorrow, so keep your fingers crossed that it makes me really bitchy. I need SOMETHING to blame my bitchiness on, and Clomid would be such a convenient excuse.

Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! I hope you have a wonderful, relaxing day. I love you!


(Yes, I let my mom read my blog, even though I swear like a sailor.)

My Aunt Jane Knows More Than My RE

If you haven't seen this, you're missing out.
It's from thetowncriers over at Stirrup Queens (see sidebar, because I am not smart enough to post a link).

Cycle Day 2 Bloodwork - Done!

I got my CD 2 Bloodwork done today after much drama.

Bloodwork is such a pain in the ass for me in the first place, because I pass out like a wee little baby. It's ridiculous. Something about needles makes me want to grab onto my mom's leg and throw a tantrum in the doctor's office. This is a problem, because IVF requires much bloodwork, and also because AM GROWN-UP, sonofabtich what is my problem?! AHHHHH!

So I am always all worked up for bloodwork, because I pass out and am all "woe is me, I passed out" for the rest of the day whenever I have to get it done. I went over on my lunch break, and the damn place was closed. For lunch. Because it was lunchtime and the worker at Quest thought it was OK to break for lunch! On MY cycle day 2! (the nerve)

So I had to wait 40 minutes for her to come back. I should mention that there was a woman at the office who was CLEARLY there for drug testing (and CLEARLY about to fail fucking miserably), who filled out atleast 32 entries to win a $50 gift card, and only stopped filling out said entries because she used up all of the cards. Wow. And she was really excited that this particular Quest just opened because it was really convenient for her. And I was so happy to have made a new friend who wouldn't stop talking to me.

She took down all my information, then asked for my insurance card. And guess what? No. damn. insurance card. I even dumped the entire contents of my giant purse out on the counter and she helped me look. And then she said, "You irresponsible douche, you don't deserve a baby! You can't even remember your insurance card! How will you remember your baby?"

(so she didn't really, but, you know, I felt like a real asshole and I wouldn't blame her at that point.)

I went back to work, printed out a temporary card, and took it back. She said she didn't think she was supposed to take it, but would because she knew I had to be testing with my cycle and didn't want me to miss my window. Then I asked her to marry me, but she said no and I was OK with that.

And I got a little woozy after the bloodwork, and she told me that sugar would help. Which was really cool because there was a Cold Stone next door, and so I got myself good and sugared up afterwards. You know, phlebotomists orders.

Many words just to say: CD 2 Bloodwork - done! 3 days to Clomid, 19 days to Lupron.

Happy Valentine's Day! I got my period!

I'm so glad that good old Aunt Florence could show up and be my Valentine. I am glad she's here for once, but I still think she's a whore.

This officially starts our IVF cycle! In 20 days I will take my first shot of Lupron.

I am going to get my bloodwork done tomorrow, then on Monday I start the Clomid.

Happy freaking Valentine's Day!

The things I'll do to avoid studying...

NOTE: Am painfully aware of dumbass links NOT WORKING. If anyone wants to email me and help me fix the dumbassedness, I would be so so great-full.

The Baby Chaser tagged me for this, and I'm going to do it because I am awesome, sexy, and just generally a fabulous person.*

I will proceed to participate, then tag three other suckers who will experience the same panic of Aw Hell, Who Will I TAG? (I don't care if you don't like it. So ha!)

Here are the rules:

1) Link to the person who tagged you.

2) Post the rules.

3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.

4) Tag at least three people.

5) Make sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.


Here are Six Non-important things/habits/quirks about mah-self:

1.) I hate the word PANTIES.** And when I say hate, I mean I want to slap people in the face when they use that word. HHHHHHaaaaaaAAATTTEEEeeee! It's just gross. Call them underwear, people! UNDERWEAR.

2.) Really soft things make me gag. Cotton Balls? My mouth fills with prepuke spit just thinking about them. Soft stuffed animals? EW. Gross, no thank you, you can keep them.

3.) I have really short legs. I am 5"1', so I'm just small in general, but my legs are...um, freakishly short. Short as in: have to buy size short in pants then take them immediately to Alterations Express and have them cut off about 2 inches short so that they will fit. With heels.***

4.) I really love the smell of a freshly blown-out match. Is it sulfur? I don't know, but I love it. And I find it amazing that it covers the smell of poop! I really think that Yankee should come out with a jar candle that smells like lit match.

5.) Cutting my toenails is one of my favorite things. I love freshly cut toenails. I get really excited to cut them. I keep my feet very well-groomed overall, actually.

6.) I just won a cruise! I had a Pure Romance party in the fall and was entered for being a hostess, and I WON! HELLS YES I DID! And I never win anything. It is 5 nights, to the Caribbean and we will probably go in the summer.****

So now for the tagging....I tag
Bev at A Baby? Maybe... ,
Mrs. Higrens at Does this Suit Your Copperosity? , and
Io at Who Shot My Stork?


*Also, I don't want to read my Auditing book.

**I will not buy UNDERWEAR from stores where they call the underwear PANTIES. So no Victoria's Secret for me. I get them at Old Navy (because I like their thongs and thus am allowed since they call them thongs) and American Eagle (AE Underwear = a little piece of heaven).

***One of my favorite party tricks in college was to bet people that my leg was as long as their arm. It always was. (It was funny when I was drunk. Now...not so much.)

****And as I'm sure you know, I WILL be pregnant when I get back, because apparently that is all I need to do to get pregnant. You know, relax, on vacation.

Fun with Drug Paraphernalia

Tah Dah!

Here is the giant stash I got yesterday at the RE.

Please note: big sack o’drugs has not yet arrived.

This is merely the ouchy needle sticky part of the blogram.

Left to Right: Follistim Pen (so cool, by the way), about 100 diabetic needles, 2 big scary needles I hope I never use, alcohol swabs, extra Follistim needles, and gauze.


Just to show you just how much time I had on my hands yesterday:

My Follistim Pen

Should be called: Injectibles for Dumbasses

It. Is. Awesome.
It looks like a pen, so if you have to take your shot out with you, you won’t look like a weirdo freak.

The clicker at the top measures the medicine, you just spin the yellow part.

The needles containers look like little coffee creamers. (cries a little over void in life since coffee is gone)




Eff You, Needles!




Oh Clomid. Dear, sweet, innocent Clomid. How I miss thee and your feelings of innocent hopefullness. (You are a total bastard for not knocking me up on demand.)











Follow the Orange Syringe Road! (but watch your step. That shit is SHARP!)

Big scary needle.

I’m sure she put these in by accident.

Right?

Not for those evil intramuscular shots that I won’t have to do because I am SPESHUL (dammit!).

Right?

Are you scurred?

I am, you know, a little scurred...

Dr. Goldfarb = the bestest.

We had our appointment today!

It went really well. I liked Dr. Goldfarb very much, and I liked all of the nurses and administrative staff I met. They seem busy, but very nice and very willing to take time to answer questions.

We discussed our overall situation, and Dr. G felt that we could try a few more IUI cycles, but we could also move on to IVF, whichever felt right. And I said, "Bring on the science, bitches!"*

Then he said something that totally took me off guard: You can start your Lupron TODAY if you want.

Then I said, "What you talkin' bout, Willis?"*
Or maybe I said, "I'm not mentally prepared for February. I am mentally prepared for March."

The words tumbled out of my mouth like drool after a dentist appointment, and I was completely surprised. After 22 (very soon to be 23) months of trying to get pregnant, I totally wussed out at jumping on a pretty-sure thing. Weird.

Since we're basically skipping February, Dr. G suggested trying the Clomid Challenge to check my hormones the first and second parts of my cycle to see which IVF protocol will work the best. I think it's a good idea! So I'll be on 100 mg of Clomid this month on cycle days 5-9.

The cool part about the Clomid thing is that I will make some good eggs, so we can try on our own without any science. Not that I mind science, me and science are LIKE THIS! But it makes me feel like I'm being proactive instead of sitting on my ass and eating carbs and generally cursing life for a month.

I will start Lupron to suppress my egg development starting on cycle day 21. It is safe to take while pregnant, so if hell freezes over and we do get pregnant on the Clomid cycle, it will all be fine.

After the Lupron....well...it gets a little fuzzy. I'm pretty confused. There are about a billion things that need to happen, and will happen, and I'm sure someone will tell me to be at whatever place at whatever time. I'm sure dumber people than I have figured this out.

Other things involved are needles, Follistim, and needles. And HCG, needles, needles, and Progesterone, and needles.

Needles.

I asked about the Progesterone in Oil shots, because they are intramuscular and let's face it, I am a pansy ass. I don't think Mark can do it, and I don't want to do it. Dr. G said that there is no real proof that the vaginal progesterone is not as good as the shots, so we can use that instead.

Basically, he said everything I wanted to hear, and that's probably why I liked him. I like getting my way.

Here's some good news: I managed to stay awake while getting blood drawn! So I guess I now join the other 99% of the population who can get blood drawn with their big girl underwear on, and not crap their pants and pass out! Go me!

Bottom Line: We will start all the meds in early March, and we should get our negative or positive test results in early April.

*No I didn't. I'm not that funny in real life.

Oh Miranda, I relate.

I'm so nervous for our appointment tomorrow.


Nervous, like, want to shove food into my mouth nervous.



*chomp chomp chomp chomp*
*burp*
*chomp chomp chomp chomp*



This picture is from SATC when Robert ( hot doctor) gave Miranda a giant cookie that said "I Love You" and it freaked her out, so she ate the entire cookie.



If Dr. Goldfarb tells me we can't do IVF in March, he may as well frost it onto a damn cookie, cuz I'll need to be eatin'.



In other related news: I have given up coffee. My favorite thing.








Oh sweet lover, how I will miss your warmth and energy in the mornings.

*violent sobs*


Just so we're clear, I am not giving anything else up. Especially not my second favorite thing (saying fuck as sport) or my third favorite thing (Perez Hilton).

But really, it's pretty sad that I have a massive headache and a stomach ache because I didn't have my coffee today.

Bein' off the junk is hard work. *



*I don't really know if it was the lack of coffee, or the existence of Chipotle today that made me sick. I ate a ridiculous amount of Chipotle. So much that maybe we'll have a mexican baby.

You be the judge.

RE appointment at Cleveland Clinic: 2/7

20% Off Everything at the Body Shop: 2/7

Coincidence?

I think not.