36 Weeks: Just the tip.

I guess when you're 9 months pregnant, that phrase takes on a completely different meaning.

I had my 36 week appointment on Thursday with my first internal exam since the very beginning. It's been an incredibly long time since a medical professional has wanted to take a look at my vagina. I'll have you know that I feel much prettier now that my Lady Business has been properly inspected, and swabbed with a Q-Tip (and as an added bonus, my bum was included in the Group B Step test fun).

It appears that I am a fingertip dilated and 50% effaced.
Or: move along, nothing to see here, still pregnant for a while.

Dr. Handlebar Mustache didn't do anything funny this week. As per usual, everything looks perfect. Much to Mark's delight, I scheduled a Friday appointment next week and so we will be meeting with Sexy Suzie. Two more appointments until we have the induction talk!

Friday was my last day of work. It felt like the last day of school! I found it really hard to concentrate on anything of importance, mostly spending time chatting and being annoyed when asked to do anything beyond sit aimlessly and look fabulously 9 months pregnant and get paid for it.

So. No more work for me until May. Which means that I shall surely commence Project Let Approaching Due Date Neuroses Take Over. Hopefully I will have some more interesting things to write as The Crazy takes over (more than usual, that is) because right now I am just tired and kind of boring!

And I will try to update more, because I've been informed by mrsyak* that I am too close to my due date to leave everyone hanging and thinking that I gave birth then lost the ability to type. Or something. But I know that I hate reading blogs who update waaaay to often with things that are B-O-R-I-N-G, and I'm trying to avoid that. Nobody wants to read my daily report of: Big, pregnant, hungry. Trust me.

Things I promise to post soon:
1. Picture of my swollen feet, ankles, and hands. My hands look like delicious baby hands with dimples instead of knuckles - delicious on a baby, but disgusting on an adult. And I would say I have kankles (or, cankles, whichever you prefer), except that they can more accurately be described as TREE TRUNK LEGS - and if we were friends in high school then I know you are totally thinking of Tree Trunk Legs from ELHS and her boyfriend, The Log Splitter. HA! Must be karma...

2. My hip-to-belly ratio. It's pretty comical. I'm not sure how to get a good picture of it since it can best be seen whilst in my underwear at a side angle, but I will figure it out. I'd also post a picture of my leg-to-belly ratio, except I seem to have developed a pretty serious case of Disgusting Cellulite and I do not wish to share it with the Internet. But Mark told me that my legs look like toothpicks under my belly and I have to admit that I agree.

3. Nursery pictures. The nursery has been finished for a while. I just have to figure out how to blur out the wall letters of Cupcake's name.

4. Belly pictures in general. I'm still taking them, but it is just way too much work to put them into the computer then put them on my blog.

Things I should leave alone, and kind of will:
The whole octuplet story makes me want to claw my face off, and I have officially quit following along.
I will keep my opinion to myself, except to say that it really pisses me off the way that the media takes any opportunity to make ART look like a total freakshow sham instead of presenting it in the way that it is normally used - to make great parents out of people who have medical conditions which would otherwise prevent the possibility.
Beyond that, I'll direct you to Julie, who always says things better than I ever could (and really, if you haven't found her blog by now, it's about damn time you did).

*mrsyak - I don't think you're rude. I will do better. My most sincere apologies.