(How about the word opera? I always want to spell it oprah. Am dumbass.)
Alternate Post titles:
All My Multi-Sized Children (Sum iz beeg, sum iz smallz)
As My Stomach Turns (Because I had to stop my ultrasound three times to dry heave)
The Infertile and the Greedy (because one baby isn't enough)
Passions (I can't use this. They didn't check my cervix today. Heh.)
Oh, this little teeny tiny twin. She's giving us problems. Personally, I think she's just skinny from all the exercise she gets in the middle of the night. I imagine that if she could talk, she'd yell at me at 2 a.m. like Olivia when she wants to go outside: "MAHM! MAHM! MAHHHHHM! COME ON! PLAY!"
Alas, my smart doctor disagrees. And he has a medical degree so Dr. Stewart FTW!
My itty bitty twin is almost 30% smaller than my normal-but-looks-giant twin. That disparity is holding strong, but isn't improving. And the doctor is worried that my itty bitty might be worse off in my Uterus of Doom than out.
Still doesn't seem to be Twin to Twin Transfusion. The single vessel cord, combined with the fact that her cord insertion is at the very edge of the placenta, seem to be the problems.
I had my 26 week appointment today and was slapped with the "come back in two weeks and we will decide if we need to start steroids so that we can deliver your babies." And then, "the nurse will be right in to get your blood pressure." Bwahahahaha! (No, but seriously. That's what happened.)
As he put it, we need to find the balance between Too Soon for the normal baby, and Too Late for the little baby. We need to decide the best time to deliver them both when they will have the best chance of survival.
Survival.
We are talking about survival at my appointments now.
I mean, if anyone ever needed an alcoholic beverage, it is the OB patient discussing survival at her 26 week appointment. I enjoyed two tasty Boosts but it's just not the same.
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One Year Ago: FET: Makes Me Feel All Stabby
Two Years Ago: Anatomy of an Advertisement
Three Years Ago: Me? I'm PUPO
80 comments:
I'm sorry to hear that itty bitty twin is not keeping up in her growth. I hope you can find the right balance for both the babies. Much luck.
I don't comment frequently but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. Good luck and stay strong.
Praying for you. My girls did not have this problems but I delivered them preterm at 29 weeks. They spend 48 days in the NICU and are healthy 15 month olds now. I know it is scary and it will be hard, especially with a toddler at home(our son was 21 months when the girls were born) but just try to stay strong and positive. I don't know why these things happen sometimes, but in a year from now you'll look back at this time like it's a distant memory. Please let me know if you have any NICU questions or what not!
Oh Jen, I can't even imagine how scary this must be. Sending tons of prayers that either way, sooner or later, both of your sweet babeez will be just fine.
I'm thinking of you. It's such a scary place to be in. I hope, HOPE, HOPE you can get a few more weeks, but I know that the docs will do what they think is best. Crossing my fingers for you...
I'll be thinking about you and your babies. I really, really hope everything goes smoothly. Maybe they can squeeze in a few more weeks in your easy bake oven. Keep us posted.
{Hugs} I'm glad you're getting good care - but hope those little ones keep cookin'!
I know you get tons of comments of people that have been through the same thing. I am not sure if it helps you to hear others' experience...but, one of my twins had a similar story with growth restriction. However, on their birthday, my itty bitty twin wasn't quite as small as predicted. Just 4 days before her birthday, she was predicted to be just over two pounds. She was 3.13 at birth. It just goes to show you science isn't always right. While doctors mean well, they aren't always right. I hope your itty bitty twin is packing on the ounces.
we are going through the. exact. same. thing. ugh. so i know EXACTLY how you are feeling. there aren't words to describe how suckilicious it is. you and your little ones are in our thoughts- keep drinking those boosts and lying on your left side :-)
positive thoughts and virtual hugs coming from the 'house of boys'.
I totally wish that I knew something. Something to make you feel relaxed and confident. Something to do to make itty bitty baby grow faster than a weed. Something to help......but I got nothing. Sorry.
Just keep on with your positive spirit. Your blog still makes me laugh and I am pretty sure Dr Google told me that keeping your spirits up always helps with health/medical stuff.
Thinking of you, your babies, and your family. And sending good growing thoughts to the bitty one. Seriously. Eat a cheeseburger, little baby. :)
In all seriousness, I'm hoping for the best for you guys.
Love reading your blog, and I'm thinking good thoughts for your family!!!
I'm an identical twin. I was 8 1/2 lbs at birth and my twin (who was the first one born) was 5 lbs. Of course they didn't give u/s like they do now because their equipment was so primitive, but the doctors suspected that I was either holding on to or laying on my sister's cord. We were born vaginally 3 days past our due date. All that not to say that I know what's going on with you or to say I understand how you feel at all, just trying to make you feel a little better that it could be, in essence, something as "simple" as that. Either way, I'm really sorry you have to go through all of this - I'm sure it's terrifying. You seem to have a really great attitude about it.
I never comment, but have been lurking for awhile. I'm so sorry to hear about the tiny twin - will be sending good thoughts your way!
::Hugs::
You so do not need this kind of stress!
Sending my positive thoughts to all of you. Hoping for itty bitty twin to grow, grow, grow!
I'm a first time commenter too. Just wanted to add my best wishes and pass along that my sister had her second little boy at 30 weeks -- he's now almost four, tall, active, bright, and talkative as all heck. Yes he spent some time in the NICU and it was hard of course -- but just wanted to say that even with early deliveries you can have great outcomes. Best of health to you all!
Nothing but good thoughts for growth for Itty Bitty and no stress for either baby. I pray you will be able to keep them in for many more weeks!
Thinking of you and your little babies. Sending lots of growing vibes itty bitty's way.
So...
My Baby A (now known as Jacob) also had SBS—Shrimpy Baby Syndrome (so much nicer than IUGR, don't you think?). I went on crazy-ass-strict bed rest where I had to lie on my left side only 23.5 hours a day (I was allowed to get up for the bathroom, thank god, and to shower). It sucked BEYOND BELIEF, but my itty bitty went from being under the 10th percentile up to the 19th percentile. Ended up delivering the munchkins at 32 weeks due to other non-Shrimpy-related complications. After babies were born, they did a placental analysis (eww, really?) and determined that Jacob had a two-vessel cord. Long story short, the bed rest that I loathed so very much actually worked. Has you OB suggested it?
Much love and girl scout cookies,
Cheryl from Redbook
My experience is similar to Amy's, except that my twins were tracking within a few ounces of each other for the whole pregnancy.... but at 38.5 weeks, out popped one not-quite-7-pound baby and not-quite-FIVE-pound baby! At FULL term! WTH? "A few ounces difference" my ass. That's what you call one twin being 29% smaller. So much for medical technology.
We're all thinking the best for you & these kiddos, Jennepper!
My story was very similar. One of my twins was IUGR. Very tiny. Blood not flowing correctly and in the end had "reverse flow". Which is = to she's going to die or you deliver them both. I had the steroid shots at 27 weeks and delivered at 28 weeks. 1#9oz and 2#5oz. They spent 3 months in the NICU. 18 difficult months later the smaller one is still tiny but oh so healthy (they both are healthy but the bigger one's a chunk-o-toddler). Modern medicine is a wonderful thing. Hang in there.
I am a few weeks behind you, but I am in a similar state. I am almost 20 weeks with identicals and one has been measuring small for the last few ultrasounds. They haven't given us any percentages of difference yet, though. They just say that baby B is smaller and there is nothing we can do about it. We have our big scan on Thursday and I am just trying not to let myself be terrified. I also have an active 15 months old daughter at home so even though I am trying to rest and lay on my left side as much as possible it really just isn't happening. I will be praying for both of our Itty Bitties to start bulking up.
Jen, I got my shots at 26 weeks, 2 days ago, after a UTI landed me in the hospital with PTL. Can you ask for the shots earlier? I am so sorry you are having to cope with this. In 2 weeks they'll be 28 weeks, and that is not too bad of a time to be born.
((((HUGS)))
#$%^&,
So sorry.
Will be thinking good thoughts for you all.
So sorry. Will think "grow itty bitty grow" thoughts for you.
Man. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this stuff and I hope hope hope these twins thrive. I'll be thinking lots of good healthy grow baby grow thoughts for all of you.
Just wanted to add that I'm also rooting for itty bitty to bulk up so you can keep them baking for a few more weeks.
Praying for you, Jen, and for your entire family.
Oh, scary and ... just scary. I am wishing you and your little ones all the best.
Ugh, so scary. :( Thinking of you and your girls...
I'm sorry, Jen. We're all thinking about you and your girls. Hang in there.
I hardly ever comment, but I think you probably could use the support right now. Please know that there are strangers across the country praying for you and your tiny ones. I have no experiences to share, or comfort to give, but know that I am praying that your babies stay in as long as possible and that modern medicine works its magic after that. Hugs to you, Mark, and Olivia.
Lame and scary. I'm sorry to read that. My twins currently just make me randomly puke. Seriously at 21 weeks I thought the joy of porcelain hugging would be over, I'm so silly and diluted. Keeping your family in my thoughts. Love, luck, and little ones!
Yeah, stopping and randomly dry heaving...so much of the fun! I now look at land marks differently: "I had to puke here. And remember when I dry heaved here? Oh yes, remember when I carried a bucket around the house for an hour?" Good times, good times.
I am very sorry that itty bitty baby is continuing with the dramz. She is a diva, through and through. I am thinking of you all and praying that all will be well!
Prayers from this side of the internets for two healthy babies and a team of doctors who will oversee their delivery.
Good luck at your next appointment! 28 weeks is early - but let's face it - you're feisty as hell. If they're like you, they will be just fiiiiiiine :)
I am so sorry to hear you're going through this...
How small is the little one? I mean, if they big one is ok, and the other twin is just following along but keeps on steadily putting weight on, I would assume (and I am not a Dr.) that it would be ok to wait a little longer to deliver...
You're in my thoughts and prayers... Hope all goes well... 28 weeks (as another poster noted) is early, but not too too early... Hang in there!
http://bleedingheartemptywomb.blogspot.com/
There is a start to my blog..
I hope this encourages you all!
One of my ID twins had a single umbilical artery and cord insertion into the membranes (not even into the placenta). She was 20% or more smaller than the other the whole time (and with some TTTS) and with bedrest and Boost (blech), delivered at 38w4d, small but healthy (and then our fun started) Those cord issues are more common than you'd think! Hope things stabilize for you too.
hopefully this is all worse-case-scenerio talk and all will be fine. thinking of you all...
At 21 weeks with twins, it was discovered that my daughter was growing slower. At 26 weeks, they discovered her cord was inserted to the side and she had reduced bloodflow to her. She was IUGR. I was given steroid shots and put on hospital bedrest so I could be monitored twice a day. All was going fine. At 30 weeks, i went into labor and they had to be delivered. My IUGR baby did better at breathing than my son if you can believe that. At 3.5 she is still smaller than her brother but is healthy today. Good luck! i would request steroid shots right now! I seriously think they saved my babies lives.
Hoping that itty bitty catches up with her sister a little more so you don't have to worry, and talk about "survival". Praying for you and the twins and for a 34 ish week delivery! :)
Lots of prayers to you and wisdom for those doctors! For a positive story...In May I had a friend deliver her twin boys at 25 weeks. They were in the hospital for about 10 weeks and went home in August. They will obviously be followed more closely over the first couple of years because they were super-preemies, but they are doing GREAT. Smiling, laughing, and one is already rolling! (yes they did steroids for her too and I think it really helped, but her body was in labor and they couldn't stop those babies from coming).
I will keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers!!
Thinking of you, be strong.
Praying for you and the girls.
We were in a similar situation with our twins. One had a side latch to his placenta and was sitting at the 10th percentile, compared to his 75th percentile sister. At 28 weeks 4 days he started to show distress and they were born at 28 weeks 5 days. They spent 9 and 12 weeks in the hospital and are now perfect babies. We were told that if we made it to 28 weeks that they would have a 95% chance of survival and that they would be "old" in the nursery. All went well for us and I will be crossing my fingers that all goes well for you as well. I'll be reading and keeping you in my thoughts.
Prayers are with you. Praying your little baby packs on the ounces!!!
Sending thoughts and prayers for you and your girls. I can't even imagine how terrifying this must all be.
Oh, dear, you just can't catch a break, can you? Somehow, something witty and sarcastic just isn't coming to me on this one but do know that lots of us care and that there are many very healthy 28 weekers out there who have grown up to be just fine! I'll have a couple of drinks for you tonight.
Lots of hugs to you and your family of tiny warriors.
I'm delurking too - I've been reading for ages (since I started butting heads with infertility) but I've never commented before.
I'm keeping everything crossed for you and your babies, from all the way over here in Australia. Grow baby grow!!
Also, you are awesome. That is all.
Just wanted to say that I love your blog, think you're fucking hilarious, and I sincerely hope they can figure out the balance. Thinking of you
I am not trying to one up you, I am trying to sympathize here are the most awesome comment I heard.
After miscarrying and then going through a DnC I had to go in for a check up. (New nurse doesn't know but why the hell it's not in my file one will never know) She had just weighed me and then said "Um you aren't gaining a lot of weight when is your due date?" YUP I really wanted to drink right then and there.
I don't even know you but love you just the same you are in my thoughts.
I super puffy heart you and your twinsies. Thinking of you!
Jen, I just wanted to let you know that I had Max & Sadie at 29w4d and while the 50 days in the NICU were the longest and hardest thing I've ever done, they are healthy and happy at over 2 now!
We also talked about survival early, we were talking about it at 16 weeks (when I started dilating), 21 weeks (when I had my cerclage), 24 weeks (when I got my 1st round of steroids and was dilated to 2), and at 29w3d (the day my water broke). It was SO hard.
*hugs*
I always read your blog but I don't think I have ever commented. This must be so scary. I'm rooting for your little babies!!!!
I am so amazed that you still manage to post through all of this. Please know that one more person is thinking of you and your little ones of every size. Be well.
Hugs and prayers for you and your little ones.
Oh wait, I have one!
The Pregnant and the Insecure! If you weren't so busy making posts about how people tell you that you're fat then maybe the infertile wouldn't bitch.
How about you try: The Pregnant (YAY!) and the GREATFUL. But I'm guessing that's beyond your realm of feelings right now.
I wonder what happened to you.
How about this: stop reading blogs that ruin your life for whatever reason. You are the pathetic one, not me.
You think being mean to people makes you a "good infertile?"
Anonymous, you are an asshole. We've all been bitter infertiles, but to tell her to be grateful that her twins may or may not survive?
Douche.
It's "grateful" asshole.
If you're going to take the time to be a mean bitch, please learn your homophones.
Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and your little ones. Hoping for the best for your babies. Also, way to go "The Mama"! ;)
Jen, I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you and Mark. Please know that there are plenty of us out here rooting for you and caring and praying. All the best.
Wow. That's all I gotta say. Someone must've had a bad infertile day.
Dear Lord, let these baby girls grow big, strong and healthy. Please allow them to develop in the womb as long as possible. Let their Mama have peace of mind, please comfort her in this stessful time. Amen.
Dear Lord, please also give peace and clarity to 'Anonymous'. She needs it. Amen.
Jen, I'm so sorry that your pregnancy is proving to be so challenging. And that people spew so much hate.
Anonymous, does it really make you feel any better to be mean to people going through a difficult time? So one more thing that needs to be added to reasons why it sucks to struggle with infertility is that once you are pregnant, you're not allowed to feel anything but happy about what can be a very challenging process? I desperately wanted to be crapping sunshine and rainbows through my whole twin pregnancy, and I cannot even tell you how many times I wept with frustration and GUILT at how hard it turned out to be for me. Guilt propagated by people like you. Guilt that I didn't need to burden my growing babies with. I don't understand how you can read a post about worrying about her babies' survival, and then type out a mean guilt trip reply to it. Shame on you. If you can't put your IF bitterness aside, and find some compassion as a human being, don't read.
Wow. Jen, I have been a long time reader (I found your blog in November '08 when I was starting my IVF here in Canada), but this is my first time commenting. Firstly - my prayers are with you that everything works out and that both twins stay in as long as possible.
Secondly, I would love to punch Anonymous right in her ugly face (I'm just assuming she's ugly - ugly on the inside, ugly on the outside, right?). Where does the rule state that women who get pregnant via assisted fertility MUST be constantly happy and skipping all over the place with pure bliss bursting from their asses? Three weeks after finding out I was pregnant (yay! mah bah-bee is now 10 months old) I was SLAMMED with depression, anxiety and OCD that carries through to this day. Women that were in my support group at the time were less than understanding about my situation. My only wish for them was that they would hopefully get pregnant so as to join me on the "other side" and see it's not all rainbows and lollipops. Yes, I was extremely grateful to be pregnant but I was too goddamned depressed to care.
Sorry. That was a very long way to more or less tell Anonymous to go f#@k herself.
Keep on keepin' on, Jen. You rock.
Saying lots of prayers and sending the best possible wishes for you and your family. I've read your blog for a long time and think your writing is a blessing to many, many more women than you know! Hang in there!
sorry for the shitty news (and also for anonymous's stupid comments). you're in my thoughts. xxx
Long time reader coming out of the closet.
I've been praying for you and your little (and littler) ones. While not a mommy of twins, I am a mommy of a preemie (now 6 years old) and a full termer (now 2 months old)... both miracles after infertility treatments. I understand what it's like to worry about "survival" as well as the guilt felt when sunshine isn't pouring out of your ass. Let me tell you... pregnancy (and parenting) isn't rainbows and unicorns, even after you've spent thousands of $ and years of your life trying to achieve it. It's really a shame that there are people out there who are so jaded by their own situation that they are no longer capable of feeling empathy toward others. I'm really sorry you're going through all of this.
(I am commenting to this because I'm sure "Anonymous" is checking back for comments to her comment.)
The only mention of being "fat" in this entry is in the title which appears to be a simple attempt at humor during a difficult - no - impossible time. What is the harm in that to anyone who is fertile or infertile?
This entry, unlike some prior posts, was not about being fat or nauseated and there certainly is no tone of ungratefulness. I can understand some frustration with earlier posts (some have stung me as well), but this post is simply one expressing fear - plain, raw fear. How could you have missed that??? That anonymous comment does nothing but make a bad situation (possibly losing babies - yes, I would say that's pretty darned bad) even more stressful. COME ON!
She mentioned in a prior comment (2 posts ago?) that this is not an infertility blog. Enough said. Frustrated with her attitude or not, she has already asked that this not be viewed as an infertility blog. I accept that. I'm sure many anonymous commenters accept that. Move on. All you're doing now is being a bully.
That comment was just plain mean. I don't know how anyone, no matter how infertile, frustrated, or angry they are, can say what you said when the point of the entire post is that her babies may not survive. No one (grateful or ungrateful or however else you want to describe them) deserves the news that Jen got this week. NO ONE. And she certainly does not deserve your bullying.
I hate to be the annoying grammar nazi....but, to Annonymous douche: greatful isn't a word.
You must be so stressed.
Come on, tiny twin - give us a growth spurt! SO many people want you to be healthy.
Hang on - is it weird to send a comment to a foetus? A few years ago I got a Christmas card from a baby who hadn't been born yet (with a fairly over-zealous mum), and now I don't know what's weird anymore...
Jenn sending love and (((hugs)) I hope things get better soon.
Blessings
I'm praying for you. As a mom of twins, I know how stressful pregnancy with multiples can be. I delivered our twins early at 31 weeks. I'm praying that the doctor thinks you can hold out at least that long. And steroids are great. One of our twins didn't need any respiratory support and I credit that to the 2 rounds of steroids they got into me before we couldn't stop labor a few days later.
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