I am sooo excited that I get to be a part of this sweepstakes! One of my readers will win a $100 Visa gift card! More about that later...
First I want to tell you about two people who never fail to make me laugh: Lynn and Dan. You may remember them, even though I never mentioned them by name, from the time when Olivia SHAT ON THEIR FLOOR. And yes, they are still friends with me after that. The only thing I don't like about Lynn and Dan is they live too far away from me!
Possibly a little-known fact about Lynn and Dan is they met on eHarmony. It seems like there is a sort of stigma attached to online dating, and seriously, I don't know why. I know so many people who met and are happily married thanks to online dating sites. (Myself included!) I asked Lynn and Dan to talk about their experience. Enjoy!
How did you choose eHarmony over other dating sites?
Lynn: I was 25, living in a city far away from all my friends and family and working in a sales job (read I did not go to an office everyday). I mention these things because I was DESPERATE to meet people and didn’t feel that I was going to be able to without some online assistance. It’s not considered widely acceptable for a girl to go pick up a dude at the bar. For guys this is ok but not so much for girls. I liked that eHarmony didn’t post pictures. I was convinced I didn’t want creepers just creeping on me because they liked my photo.
Tell us about your first date!
Lynn: Our first date was to the very romantic spot of Ruby Tuesday in Austintown, OH. Dan was living in Cuyahoga Falls at the time, and I was in Pittsburgh on business. We picked it out of convenience, really, halfway for both of us.
We sat in the bar area and ordered something really exciting like chicken fingers. I ran to the restroom, and Dan ran out! He realized he’d forgotten his cigarettes, SO HE LEFT while I was in the bathroom to run to the Sheetz next door to get them. He was convinced he would be able to make it back before I returned.
Anyway, he didn’t make it back before I made it out of the restroom (shocking, I know), but he left his jacket. I guess that was the love note to me letting me know he was coming back. Either that or it was a Dear John letter. Well, we’re married now so I guess you know it wasn’t a Dear John.
We sat and talked and drank for hours and generally had a great time. At one point he reached across the table, grabbed my hands and said, “Some day we’ll tell our kids about this.” That should have been creepy. It wasn’t. I guess that’s when I knew.
Dan: Obviously it went well. I did, in fact, tell a girl I had known for an hour that we would tell our kids about this night. We only have one kid, but I fully intend to tell him the story as soon as I can get him to settle down and listen.
Did you meet anyone else on eHarmony before you met each other?
Lynn: I did not. Dan was my first. I was an eHarmony virgin, I suppose.
Dan: I had been using eHarmony for a while to meet girls. I never had any intention of meeting “the one”. Rather, I found eHarmony a good way to meet girls who were easy to talk to based on our similar likes, etc.
How and when did you know that Lynn/Dan was "the one?"
Lynn: Almost immediately, really. We both told the truth in our answers we gave. It’s amazing how you find someone just like you if you tell the truth.
Dan: Seriously, within about an hour or so I was planning the rest of my life with this person across the table from me. This should have been slightly creepy or should have at least given one of us pause. However, it felt right, and we both went with it.
Do you feel like there is a stigma attached to meeting on an online dating site? Did you tell people, or did you have an alternate story you told people?
Lynn: At the time there definitely was. We were pioneers in 2005. We did this before it was cool…or accepted. We actually tried to concoct a story on that first date. We didn’t want to HAVE TO TELL anyone that we met…O N L I N E!!
Dan: Back then, only people seeking to have sex and people offering up anonymous sex at a rest area used the internet to hook up. At least that’s what people thought. It’s strange because if you were going on a date with someone you met in a bar no one would freak out. That said, if you were going on a date with someone that you met on the INTERNET, you needed to tell someone where you would be lest you be murdered. The fact that I like to keep a tarp, 10 gallons of lye, and a hatchet on my front seat may be unintentionally reinforcing that particular fallacy.
What is your life like now? Married? Kids? Crapping Rainbows?
Lynn: We just celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary. It’s crazy really. We’re in our second home, and I think we both feel like someone's mom is going to come down the stairs and ask us why we are here. We are really lucky to have all that we do.
Humbly, I think we both get that we are luckier than we deserve to be. The real fairy tale part of all of this is we never would have met if it weren’t for that job, which moved me from my family and friends. We never would have met if I wouldn’t have been SO lonely I resorted to the internets bringing me a man. I’m not a big believer in the “everything happens for a reason” thing; I feel like stupid people say that to make themselves feel better when they make a mistake or something, but I can’t think of a better way to put it. So there ya have it.
We have one smart, beautiful, funny little monster. His name is Jason, and I think we both agree that he has changed our lives for the better. I don’t remember my life before that Tuesday, but I know it couldn’t possibly have been this cool. We’re amazed, daily, about how well Jason is turning out (given that neither of us can be trusted to keep a house plant alive).
Would you recommend online dating/eHaromony to other people? Why or why not?
Lynn: I would… IF (and this is a big one)…you tell the truth. I don’t go to church. I drink too much. I can’t hide those things…they're part of my charm. So I didn’t lie. I told the truth, and so did he. It’s amazing how well matched the internets can make a couple if you just tell the truth
Dan: I would. As Lynn stated, because we both told the truth we were PERFECTLY matched. I know several people who have used eHarmony and were incredibly dishonest in building their profile. Not surprisingly, they did not find what they were looking for.
Additionally, we do not have an officially recognized marriage in the eyes of eHarmony. We met so quickly Lynn was able to cancel her membership and get her money back. Therefore, eHarmony did not send us a wedding present.
When the eHarmony commercials first came out everyone who knows us inquired as to why we weren’t in a commercial. I had to explain that due to Lynn’s desperate financial condition at the time she was forced to game the system. Now that I think about it, perhaps we should be the ones to send the eHarmony people a gift.
--
SO!!!! As I mentioned, this post is part of a pretty sweet sweepstakes through BlogHer and eHarmony! One reader will win a $100 Visa gift card.
How to Win...The Rules!:
All you have to do is answer a simple question: What is the most important character trait your partner must have and why?
Rules:
No duplicate comments. You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:
a) Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
b) Tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
c) Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post
d) For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.
This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected. The Official Rules are available here.
This sweepstakes runs from 2/14/2012 - 3/15/2012.
Visit the BlogHer.com eHarmony page to check out more blogger success stories and for more chances to win!
192 comments:
I'm going to say kindness. It seems so simple, but it carries into everything.
Honesty
Awesomeness.
Tall dark and handsome. Naw, not really.
Someone that is kind and loving.
babblebabe0@yahoo.com
Honesty! Without that a relationship cannot be built.
Honestyandhumor :)
Trustworthiness. Nothing else matters if you can't trust him.
Laughter! I need to be able to have fun with my significant other....and I do! :)
Consistency. My husband is the most consistent man I know--which makes love, honesty and all that stuff just a little better, you know?
It's got to be honesty for me. And let me tell you, my husband can be brutally honest!
Sensitivity.
I would like to mention too that I met my husband in a chat room in 1999- which made me chuckle when reading the people above mention that 2005 was prior to the whole "meeting online" craze. Ha!
My hubby was in Ireland at that point, while I was in Florida. So there was a bit more of a distance thing. But, we just celebrated our 12th anniversary and have two beautiful girls. So obviously, it worked for us.
I think the most important character trait in a partner is tenacity. When the going gets tough (as is bound to happen in any relationship), you need someone who won't give up just because things are hard. You need someone who will stick with you through thick and thin.
mami2jcn at gmail dot com
tweet:
https://twitter.com/#!/mami2jcn/status/169431509562953730
mami2jcn at gmail dot com
This is a great post.
I'm going to go with honesty.
We also talked about kids on our first date, and yes, it should have been creepy, but it wasn't...
Compassion, definitely.
He has to have a huge penis.
A sense of humor.
Laughing is very important to me. It greases the gears of life for me. I know its cheesy but its true. It helps me find joy.
I would say communication. Communication in general can be twisted so easily, if you can figure out the communication system that works for you, I think everything else will come together too.
My #1 is definitely honesty...closely followed by a sense of humor :)
Being honest. It's really the most sincere thing you can do for your mate - it makes relationships so much easier!
Honesty.... I think you can work through anything else.
~snewman1978@yahoo.com
Being a good person, whatever one word adjective that is; I think it encompasses a lot of traits.
kindness. happy v day!
Honesty is key... I met my husband online too and while most things were completely honest up front, we have had to work on the ones that weren't.
Trustworthiness.
Happy Valentine's Day, momma, and Happy Birthday Miss Olivia!
(Holy crap, how are they THREE?!)
And my tweet (which you could see if you were on twitter, you should really be on twitter, the twitter would increase in awesomeness by 1000% if you were on it):
https://twitter.com/#!/alison1L/status/169444831934939138
Gotta go with honesty, closely followed by sensitivity.
A strong sense of humor. My husband and I have been through loads together (immigration, loss, infertility, an abundance of the absurd) and we have found a way to connect through all of it through a mutual sense of the ridiculous. Without humor, we would have lost everything years ago!
Fun!!!!
Trustworthiness! (With kindness a close second...I like that.)
https://twitter.com/#!/rosorior/status/169455620276236288
Honesty, good communication and tolerance are the most.
For me I can't just pick one character trait - I feel it has to be a combination of a few (I know, I lost already!!!) For me it is honesty, compassion and humor. These are the things (beside his cute ass) that attracted me to my husband and the reason we have been married for 18 years.
Trust/honesty: I can handle quite a bit that life throws at me so long as I know that it's the truth.
Truthfulness.
Kindness. If they are kind to everyone - their friends/family/waiters/strangers, it means they have a good heart and likely lots of other amazing traits!
-carrie
mollie_79@yahoo.com
I blogged it :) http://welayinrepose.livejournal.com/70337.html
carrie
mollie_79@yahoo.com
Integrity.
First- this may be one of the cutest stories I've ever heard.
And to answer the question- Integrity (with a side of humor :) )
A sense of humor!
Integrity is a must have. Here's why (from dictionary.com):
adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
The willingness to try new things. (And I loved this - I, too, met my husband online in 2003). Will have to come back and post a story about it.
(Happy Birthday, Olivia!!)
Openness. We are both open-minded and sensitive to others. He always tries to think of things he can do for me and is so open to building our lives together.
Here's my blog post about it. http://framboisepatch.blogspot.com/2012/02/in-honor-of-valentines-day-story.html
Honesty. If that's not there, I don't know that the rest of the relationship can work.
Humor...a partner needs to have the same sense of humor as me and be able to make me laugh.
Humor. I don't want to be bored the rest of my life. :)
Additionally - you have to share with Lynn and Dan that your very best BFF baseball fan from Cleveland (okay, you don't have to say all that), met her hubby the same exact way (only it was match.com and 2003). Right down to me canceling my membership within the 3 day free trial. Ca-razy! Internet dating rocks!
Tweet!
https://twitter.com/#!/kuparstwn/status/169499597566251008
kindness. even if you are right and can be mean about it, don't be. be kind to your partner, and they will reciprocate. we should be kindest to those we love, not the opposite!
Sense of humor...very important. :)
Believing in the best in the other person....whether it's easy to see or not.
Honesty!!
lucky7_ks@yahoo.com
Kindness! I think it goes so far in all aspects of life.
honesty!
i think humor is soo important! gotta laugh!
vanitizebaby at yahoo dot com
tweet
https://twitter.com/#!/MeandBells/status/169523931903037440
vanitizebaby at yahoo dot com
Humor. This girl's gotta laugh.
A kind heart.
it used to be honesty, integroty, chivalry, etc. Now it's whether or not he'll change the babies crap filled diaper because I just don't want to. That's all it takes.
Sense of humor. Life gives you a lot of ups and downs - you have to be able to laugh about it together!
A sense of adventure. Beyond enjoying traveling and being down to try new things, a sense of adventure makes the bad days and hard things in life a little easier. They're just more adventures.
Emotional generosity, chasing the unavailable was for my early twenties.
He tells me he loves me all the time!
A sense of humor to complement my particular kind of crazy.
https://twitter.com/#!/aes529/status/169569580375748610
pokergrl8 at gmail.com
My perfect mate absolutely must make me laugh. At him, at myself, at whatever, but I have to have laughter.
Honesty. I know that sounds trite, but having been totally and completely tricked by someone in the past (15 years of lies! It's still hard for me to believe), honesty is the biggie. Of course, there are a few more prerequisite traits, but that's my number one.
By far trustworthy!
Truthiness... it's a word. look it up. http://www.merriam-webster.com/info/06words.htm
Communication - without it, there's just a succession of hurt feelings and needless anger.
Humor, without it life would be so boring
He's a good person. Simple way to describe it, but covers it all.
a sense of humor because i need a good laugh every now and again
a sense of humor
I think it was my husband's sense of humor that hooked me. I mean, it's pretty easy to make me laugh anyway, but he is one of those people with unexpected humor.
I met my husband online in 2003, and I can totally relate to the whole stigma thing. It used to be something we told people with a nervous smile. His dad referred to me as a mail order bride. But it's worked out for us well. We've been happily married for 7 years.
Honesty is the most important character trait to me.
Empathy. Without it, there can't be any understanding, thoughtfulness or kindness. Tied for a close second would be a sense of humor.
Raunchy sense of humor.
mypottyseat(@)gmail(dot)com
sense of humor
karinaroselee at gmail dot com
The most important character trait my partner must have is honesty. That is because I believe all relationships build on trust. I don’t think I can trust someone that’s not honest.
Amy [at] utry [dot] it
I tweeted about this giveaway:
https://twitter.com/#!/uTry_it/status/169930967782400001
Amy [at] utry [dot] it
i tweeted
https://twitter.com/#!/karinaroselee/status/169933907767197696
karinaroselee at gmail dot com
It's cliche, but a sense of humor. Specifically a sense of humor that is just as odd and offbeat as mine. Also, being a little bit nerdy never hurts :)
Honesty because if my partner lies to me then I can't trust him
s2s2 at comcast dot net
https://twitter.com/#!/susan1215/status/169954510704361472
s2s2 at comcast dot net
Kindness
Honesty is the most important to me, I want to be able to trust whoever I am with.
tweeted
https://twitter.com/#!/bdiane35/status/169982272710246400
As I read the comments, I kept thinking, "Well, yes. That one ... and that one ... and that one." But I'm going to have to go with compassionate. That would cover kindness and sensitivity as well, right?
Honesty and in a close second is compassion.
Allison_j22@yahoo.com
Kindness!!
Honesty
Honesty comes with Trust and I trust my husband wholeheartedly.
We also met online, back in 2004 and since then we have been through a ton of shit from the deaths of family members and furry family members, to kidnapping (no lie!), planning and paying for our own wedding, unemployment and most recently cancer.
My husband is the most awesome man on earth and I love him to bits!
My partner must have a HUGE "character trait"
JK!I<3PenisJokes
The most important character trait my partner must have is compassion. Compassionate partners are supportive and I love being married but also having our own separate hobbies and lives. We support each others' choices and it makes for a happy marriage.
He has to be an honorable person.
Openness is my required quality in a man. He has to willing to share anything & everything with me.
Hands down, honesty. If I can't trust the one I'm with then there's no point in wasting my time. :)
The most important trait is integrity. If a man is not his word than the trust is lacking which is a foundation in a relationship
The most important quality to me is a sense of humor. You can get through almost anything if you can laugh about it later.
abigurl (at) gmail (dot) com
The most important character trait to me is kindness! Thanks so much for a chance to win, too! Best wishes,
kmassmanATgmailDOTcom
the most important trait? laughter. if you can't make me smile, you are nothing to me!
((hi lynn! xoxo))
transparency--i.e. honesty--without it a relationship is doomed.
https://twitter.com/#!/fostertam/status/170865154131636224
The most important trait for me is having a belief in God. He must have a spiritual nature and put God first. Another important trait is trust and honesty.
tweety800265(at)yahoo(dot)com
Tweeted
https://twitter.com/#!/disneyfan40/status/170937399533244416
tweety800265(at)yahoo(dot)com
a sense of humor because life is too short to not laugh through it!! scg00387 at yahoo dot com
https://twitter.com/#!/DesMoinesDealin/status/170969174716329984 scg00387 at yahoo dot com
Honesty!! I have to be able to trust a man's word!!
Hmmmm, the ONE quality? compassion. He has to have a genuinely good heart.
My partner needs to have a sense of self responsibility. Too many people I meet seem to feel like the world owes them, and it drives me crazy because I worked my tail off for everything I had and that means nothing to them.
chainmail (at)iwon dot com
I tweeted about this
https://twitter.com/#!/The_Sunshyn/status/171307669741772801
chainmail (at)iwon dot com
patience is important because i can't stand people who are upset all the time
thepryfamily@gmail.com
https://twitter.com/#!/thepryfamily/status/171372754061377536
thepryfamily@gmail.com
Compassion... I just couldn't be with someone who didn't care about others.
trustworthy, b/c without trust, you can't have a solid marriage/relationship.
family74014 at gmail dot com
Appreciation... because my last boyfriend lacked it & made me realize just how important it is!
kytah00@yahoo.com
2nd entry tweet
https://twitter.com/#!/kytah00/status/171810060740202496
Sense of humor would be the winner for me. Life is so serious and tough that a good laugh once in a while would do wonders.
kperales25{at}aol.com
The most important character trait my partner must have is sense of humor. To be able to always look the bright side when things go unplanned/wrong.
tcarolinep at gmail dot com
https://twitter.com/#!/tcarolinep/status/171835911208841216
For me, the most important character trait my partner must have is loyalty. This doesn't just mean not straying, but also defending me, treating me well, and believing in me and our relationship.
jfong1130 at yahoo dot com
https://twitter.com/#!/jfong1130/status/171840989051371520
jfong1130 at yahoo dot com
The most important character trait my partner must have is honesty, because I cannot trust anyone who is not honest especially who is your partner.
ctong2[at]gmail[dot]com
I tweeted about this giveaway:
https://twitter.com/#!/ctong2/status/171876135431442432
ctong2[at]gmail[dot]com
My husband must be loyal to family because that is the basis for a good relationship.
KellywcuATyahooDOTcom
tweeted
https://twitter.com/#!/kellydsaver/status/171959404676120576
kellywcuATyahooDOTcom
Faithful cause lets face it ... who wants to be cheated on? Been there ... done that ... never again!
Stability....because I am a total nut job!
trustworthiness. if you don't have honesty you've got nothing to build on
imnotarunner at gmail dot com
I think he'll have to be able to put up with my crazy, so patient. And not have a gambling problem.
meme dot chose at hotmail dot com
ps my captcha is analsock so if that isn't a sign, I don't know what is.
I think the most important character trait is caring and understand. I have dated alot of guys in the past who never show that to me.
purple_lover_04 at msn dot com
https://twitter.com/#!/purplelover04/status/173165926320058368
https://twitter.com/#!/davisesq212/status/173792919696846848
The most important trait would eb a sense of humor; I need someone to laugh with when times get rough!
honesty, kindness to others, and loyalty
MCantu1019 at aol dot com
love his family. family means a lot to me
merleandtina@yahoo.com
https://twitter.com/#!/HappyTina0115/status/174557078403293185
merleandtina@yahoo.com
I think that honesty is the most important character trait for a partner to have.
melduke26 at gmail dot com
honest, caring and dependable!
debbiebellows (at) gmail (dot) com
here is the link to my tweet:
https://twitter.com/#!/bellows22/status/174684807526232065
debbiebellows (at) gmail (dot) com
Kindness is the most important trait to me. I can deal with a lot, but not an unkind person!
nuthouse(at)centurytel(dot)net
tweeted: https://twitter.com/#!/KerryBishop/status/174695310726152194
nuthouse(at)centurytel(dot)net
The most important character trait to me is humor. Life is so hard some days and a sense of humor would make life so much more fun and enjoyable during the hard times.
landfjacobson @ charter.net
I tweeted
https://twitter.com/#!/Ilovemybeagle2/status/175651252804399104
landfjacobson @ charter.net
Lynn and Dan's story is so sweet, thanks for sharing the story. I think honesty is important because trust is so important in a relationship.
songyueyu at gmail
tweet: https://twitter.com/#!/syytta/status/175901833485762560
songyueyu at gmail
A sense of humor, period. Without that, you're totally screwed when there's nothing else to do but laugh at the incredible suckage that occasionally is life :)
Trust...and the ability to laugh at the ridiculousness of life
My husband is thoughtful and always surprising me with the things he thinks of to do to make me smile :)
Tweeted!!
https://twitter.com/#!/Meggernaut9/status/175988189419417600
My partner must have compassion because when things are not so good I know I can always count on him to tell me everything is going to be okay. thanks!
ashleygatewood1(AT)gmail.com
https://twitter.com/#!/shuggysmommy/status/176019439123312640
ashleygatewood1(AT)gmail.com
Honesty! If I can't trust em, I'm not interested!
Patience.
I think it's most important for my partner to be honest. I have a whole list of other traits I'd like him to have as well, but I suppose that out ranks the others by a hair. :)
Honesty- that is the most important. But I think sense of humor is pretty important too!
Kaylinc82@aol.com
The most important trait for me is honesty. Honesty is a very important issue in a relationship for me. I believe that it must exist in any relationship.
katbirdfl (at) gmail (dot) com
Tweet: https://twitter.com/#!/katbirdfl/status/176158974431858688
katbirdfl (at) gmail (dot) com
Honesty. Lizaanne at hotmail dot com
I think the most important trait is kindness. It's sometimes difficult to have empathy but it would make the world a much better place if we all strove to be kinder and more empathetic.
Tweet
https://twitter.com/#!/didyouyarnthat/status/176981950526005248
Ability to go with the flow and a good sense of humor. Life is so crazy, unpredicatble so you have to just roll with the punch and find the humor to make it through sometimes.
chuckles1516@hotmail.com
He must be able to make me laugh. Because a happy wife is a happy life.
Honesty can't be topped as the most important trait in a spouse, cause without that, it doesn't matter how much love, humor, etc you have... it won't work.
love...not just for me, but for life.
I feel that having someone who is willing to talk things through with you is critical...why? Because I'm missing that right now and it has been really tough.
wolverina401 at gmail dot com
Make me laugh!
In my opinion, the most important thing to look for in someone you want to spend the rest of your life with is trust because that is the backbone of any relationship. Without having complete trust in your partner, it is very hard for the relationship to weather the bumps that inevitably come.
Defiantly honesty and thoughtfulness. Without a doubt!
Jenarow at yahoo dot com
Honesty. We have to be able to trust each other.
kristisdeals1 at yahoo dot com
Make me laugh. Humor can get you thru the hardest of times, this I know from experience!
Angie
14earth at gmail dot com
I tweeted here: https://twitter.com/#!/MsTofuFairy/status/179261616209133569
Angie
14earth at gmail dot com
Honesty and thoughtfulness
Honesty.
Humor. He's got to make me laugh!
Stick-to-itivness. I know that's not a real word. I guess the real word is tenacity, or loyalty. What I mean is a willingness and an intention to stick around and work through whatever happens. Yeah! That's it.
Lori.ls@gmail.com
Passion, without a doubt. Not the sexual passion, however that never hurts, but just the want and need to be with that person. The passion that makes you want to do better for one another.
Kindness. Because being good to others is the most beautiful thing a person can do in this world!
Honesty and compassion.
kate205 at gmail dot com
Integrity and respect are vital traits
Humor.
Sensitivity is the most important trait for me.
Sensitivity is the most important for me.
He's got to be respectful of others. This will show me how he will treat me one day.
chipdip2010(at)hotmail(dot)com
Tweeted http://twitter.com/#!/chipdip2010/status/180090232669093888
chipdip2010(at)hotmail(dot)com
For me, honesty is the most important because without it, you lose trust. Humor is next since it helps through the hard times.
Tweet: http://twitter.com/njhhb/statuses/180233708022939649
For me, it's a shared sense of humor to find the funny in life.
Thanks for the contest.
The ability to communicate effectively
He must be honest!
He must be honest!
I think loyalty is extremely important. When in a relationship it is important to know that you can completely count on the other person.
Thanks for the chance to win!
gina.m.maddox (at) gmail (dot) com
tweet-https://twitter.com/#!/CrazyItalian0/status/188324583579979779
gina.m.maddox (at) gmail (dot) com
Post a Comment