Me: Ten babies? What?And then I realized what she was actually saying. She wants twin babies. Sisters. She wants twin sisters. Because they are making picture posters in class and talking about the pictures, and there is a little boy in her class who has adorable one year old twin sisters.
Olivia: Noooo...ten sisters! TEN SISTERS!
Me: Oh, ten sisters, eh?
Olivia: NO MOM. Jack has ten babies. Ten sisters. I want ten sisters, pleeeeeaaaaassssee? I been a really good girl.
Me: Yes, Olivia. Twin sisters would be nice, wouldn't they?Olivia doesn't know that Ainsley was a twin. When I was pregnant, she was not even two. We told her there were two babies in mommy's belly but she was so little that none of it made sense. And then Evelyn was gone and everything revolved around Ainsley and we just told her that Ainsley was her sister and left it at that.
We will tell her someday. At some point there will be a time when it fits into regular conversation and we will tell her and she will have a lot of questions. Maybe all of the kids came out of preschool asking for twin sisters, who knows? I have no idea how to explain stillbirth to a small child without freaking her the hell out.
All I know is that there is no way she is having ten sisters. My uterus would absolutely revolt. As would my husband.
17 comments:
Oh that had to be hard. Oh honey I'm sorry.
:( Having to explain the sometimes suckiness of life to preschoolers is never, ever fun.
:( So sorry that's a conversation you will have to have someday.
That sucks. All I would have been able to say is, "Me too, kid. Me too." I'm sure you want your "ten babies" more than she will ever know.
I had a brother who was born too early and died before i was born. We used to go and put flowers on his grave every year on his birthday, and I remember my parents explaining it when I was very young as going to bring him birthday presents. As a kid, I could totally relate to presents, and accepted that without a second thought. I know 3yos have ton of questions, and that will be definitely hard on you, but my brother dying was just something i always knew. I knew it was sad, and I knew it was something out of the ordinary, but it was also just part of our family's story, you know? I wish you and Mark all the best in navigating this.
Wow. That's hard.
(((hugs)))
I was a twin, and my twin was stillborn. My parents told me when I was 7 or 8, and I was crushed for months. I think that was too late for them to tell me. Olivia, at her age, won't be able to understand fully, but she will be able to work on grieving and assimilating the knowledge so that it is something that has always been true for her, rather than a double tragedy when she's older. She will have questions that are painful for you, but I think that as soon as you feel able to handle them, she should know. I wish you love and luck navigating this with your family. All four of your girls are lucky to have you as a mom.
Damn. That's a tough story. Thinking of your family extra hard this time of year.
I'm so sorry. This is why parenting is so hard. Of course, the late night feedings, diaper explosions and teething are hard at the time, but they pass. Raising your kids and protecting their emotions is the hard part. I wish you luck in however you decide to tell Olivia one day.
My first baby girl was stillborn and now that her little sister is here (and 5 months old) I wonder how we'll talk to her about Eliza... I know I want it to be seamless--I don't want to sit her down to have "a talk." I just want it to be part of our family's history that she always grows up knowing. But I'm still not sure how to navigate that exactly.
I'm sorry Olivia's twin sisters aren't here.
I am sorry for your beuatiful Evelyn and Ainsley. I'm sure you will let Olivia know the best way for your family. Ease it in, that way it can be a normal conversation. Praying for you.
The mom who blogs at http://thegreatumbrellaheist.blogspot.com/ had a full term stillbirth and then triplets and I know that they've always been open with the girls about their older sister. It might be worth a look for some ideas.
Oh man, that must have felt like a punch in the gut. I am so sorry. There's really no end to the suckiness of losing Evelyn and Ainsley, is there?
That sounds hard. I'm sorry. It's possible that Olivia mentioned it to you because the idea of 'ten sisters' reminded her of something you discussed with her before but she never understood thoroughly. Clearly, it's also likely that it was just an off-the-cuff remark. Thinking about the conversation, the time when you start talking to her about it, is as good as getting ready for the moment. When the moment comes you will be good at it.x
(ps. I realise that I sound like a psychologist, which I am, please don't hold it against me)
I haven't figured out when to do this either. I'm thinking maybe Luke's birthday this year?
Our first baby was stillborn 5 and a half years ago and I always wondered how I would explain that to my other kids should I ever have them. I now have an almost 4 year old and a just turned 2 year old and we talk about their brother Nathaniel often, it's just a part of our life and he's a part of our family. Occasionally I get questions and now that we're decorating for Christmas and putting ornaments out that people gave us in memory of him we're having even more conversations about him. It's just something that those of us who have dealt with the death of a baby will have to go through. We do celebrate Nathaniel's day on the anniversary of his birth/death too. I was thinking it would be easier to have them grow up with him as a part of our life/family rather than having "the talk" at some point. He's a very important part of our family :) He's the reason I am the mother I am today. You and Mark will find the right way to tell Olivia and Adelle.
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