Panic! about the IVF*

OR: Multiple Personalities Much?

Tuesday was a day filled with so many switching emotions, that I considered calling for psychiatric consult to sort through what must obviously be my multiple personality disorder. In the early morning? Exhausted. In the late morning? Hopeful. In the early afternoon? Pissed off. In the late afternoon? Happy! In the evening? Stressed!

When I talked to Dr. Goldfarb last week, he said it was fine to move forward with another fresh cycle. I discussed my reasoning with him, including the fact that we have two vacations coming up (Caribbean! Vegas!). He seemed to think it was fine. Told me to call on my cycle day 1.

Speaking of cycle day 1 – what has been happening since Tuesday could only be described as PURE MENSTRUAL EVIL! Just…wow. And not cool.

Anyway, after the commencement of PURE MENSTRUAL EVIL, I called the office to get my prescription for birth control pills so that I could get started. And I was so excited! Because I got Sally! My favorite!

Except! She seemed to be really annoyed that I had the nerve to schedule TWO vacations this summer when hello? I’m infertile, I should know better than to try to plan something other than vag cam visits and bloodwork.

I should know better than to, I don’t know, enjoy my life. How selfish of me! And maybe it is selfish to need to have something to look forward to other than sub-q shots and daily violations of my already public vagina. BUT, if the first IVF worked, it wouldn’t be an issue now, would it? No. So maybe we both screwed up, Sally. How ‘bout them apples? Sour, aren’t they?

So Sally was annoyed with me, and was telling me that they weren’t going to let me do an IVF before two vacations, and then changed her mind and said maybe between the Caribbean and Vegas (which still makes no sense), then went back to no! No IVF for you until September!

From what I could gather, her rationale was this: if I am pregnant after IVF # 2, I don't know how I'll feel. Will traveling harm a potential pregnancy? Well, no. But still! You might not feel good. And do you have travel insurance?

My rationale was this: if I am pregnant after IVF # 2, it's not like I get a 9 month pass to sit at home if I don't feel good. I'll still have to go to work and school, and resume life like normal. So either I can go to the Caribbean, lay on my ass all day, and eat lots of food. Or I can go to work from 8 - 4:30, then to school from 5 - 8, then get home and go to bed at 9. Which sounds more relaxing to you?

Our conversation ended with Sally saying that she would consult with the doctor and call me back, and me being irrationally angry at the prospect of waiting until September to try this all again. I mean, do you have any idea how many more pregnancies, baby announcements, baby showers, and birthday parties there will be between now and then? Too many, that’s how many.

Four hours later, Sally called back and pretty much acted like we never had our earlier conversation. She called in my birth control prescription, and said that she would call and order my medications. While the doctor didn’t really think the vacations were a super big deal, we will be overlapping my birth control and Lupron for a week in order to move the retrieval and transfer up a week. That way, if IVF # 2 does work, I’ll have two betas in before I leave for the cruise.

Have I mentioned that I love getting my way?

The short version: crisis averted, IVF # 2 started yesterday. (If I was nice, I would've put that at the beginning so you didn't have to read the entire thing. If I was really a jerk, I would've put it after the dumbass footnotes.)

*Have you heard the crap news about Panic! at the Disco? Apparently, then have changed their name from: Panic! at the Disco, to: Panic at the Disco. Why would you ever ever do that? Well, I had that exact same question! Apparently, people were having a hard time finding and downloading their songs on iTunes because of the “!” and so they are changing it so that they can make more money. I think they should change their name to: Sellout! on the iTunes. Money grubbing whores. Mostly, I’m just mad because now, when I hear one of their songs, I can’t yell “PANIC!" (at the top of my lungs) "at the disco" (at a whisper).” **

**Also, Panic (no !) at the Disco has also lost it’s coveted #1 spot on my List of Awesome Band Names. Maybe you’ve never heard of my List of Awesome Band Names, and that’s your problem. You should know that it is a highly sought-after(ish) honor in the entertainment industry. And Panic! at the Disco was #1, just in front of #2, Butthole Surfers. But Butthole Surfers is now #1, and #2 goes to a tie between Limp Bizkit and Mr. Mister. ***

***OMFG! I have hit a new low, haven’t I? It’s sad. Send nachos.