Valentine's Day is Cancelled - You May Only Celebrate Olivia's Birthday.

Dear Olivia,

There are a lot of things I could never imagine myself doing or saying, that I now do or say. It is all your fault. Like this, for example. Writing you a letter. On the Internet. I haven't finished it yet, but I bet it's corny and full of embarrassing cliches. 

(Also?  Freely rejoicing over consistent bowel movements.  I swore I'd never do that.)

Having a newborn is hard. I remember thinking, on several occasions, that you were trying to kill me. Or, at the very least, drive me to the brink of insanity so that someone else would kill me just to avoid my sleep-deprived nastiness. Don't take that personally. I think every first-time parent wonders why anyone would do this more than once during those first couple months.

She looks harmless, but will hurt you with her...adorable sleeplessness.

Still, you were the most amazing thing, ever.  Are the most amazing thing ever.  Every month, I say to everyone, "this is the most fun time - this time is my favorite!"  Because it always seems like you could not possibly be more adorable and fun.

A favorite phase: my ability to put large things on your head and your inability to resist.

It doesn't matter what you do - we think you are a genius - which has got to be annoying for other people.  It all started with your pooping.  You always knew the exact right time to take a dump - the exact right time being as soon as we took a dirty diaper off of you but before we could get a new one on.  The problem escalated when you started to smile. 

Smiles!  At 2.5 Months!  Clearly, she is clearly advanced!  Filling out the Mensa application right this very second!

And don't even get me started on baybee thighs...I think chocolate bunnies should be replaced with chocolate baybee thighs, so that I can realize my dirty fantasy of nibbling them.

NOM! NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!

Your father and I didn't really have an exciting life pre-Olivia.  I mean, a wild night for us was sitting on the deck and playing scrabble.  Sometimes - and I hope you don't think that we were irresponsible - we would even stay up until TEN AT NIGHT!  So I guess you could say that you did change everything about our lives, but you haven't really held us back from doing anything that we want to do. 

My parents took an hour out of their Scrabble schedule to take a bazillion nearly identical pictures of me!

Losers.

The major change is that we live our lives around your nap times, because you can be a little bit of a...shadookie head...when you are tired. (AND, we have to say things like Shadookie Head, so that you don't swear on your first day of Kindergarten.)  But your shadookie head is other babies good mood, so I'm not complaining.  You really only cry when you're hungry or tired.  Most of the time you play and laugh and just generally charm the pants off people.

ZOMG!  Put your pants back on!

You walk EVERYWHERE.  You are into EVERYTHING.  You love to be chased, and to throw your toys and chase them.  You laugh a lot.  You like to socialize, but sometimes you are shy.  You love to tear everything out of the kitchen cupboards, then put it all away in different places.  You try to play with the dogs but they are so not buying your crap and are holding a grudge from all the times you tried to snatch their testicles.  You just cut your first tooth last week, and it is adorably crooked.  You've got the most spectacular baybee mullet I've ever seen.  Your facial expressions have been known to cause me to belly laugh.

You are so perfect.

When I was desperately trying to get pregnant, I was furious at anyone who was pregnant by accident. Or pregnant the exact month they wanted to be.  Or anyone who complained about their kids and took them for granted. I had this vision in my mind of how happy they were - all laughs and smiles and big fat baybee thighs, 24 hours a day. Basically I imagined unicorns pooping candy rainbows all over the place on the daily.

Hang on...I'll try to poop some candy rainbows for you...

Do you know what the crazy thing is? It's that I'm stepping in unicorn rainbow candy poop all over our house. Every day. You make me so happy, every single day.  You make it impossible for me to have a truly horrible day. I'd say that you are everything I ever imagined, but that's not true.

You are better than I ever imagined.  You are worth every road block, every injection, every emotional outburst, every ache and pain. 

It's mah first birfday partee and I'll drink Pediasure if I want to.

Happy first birthday, Olivia! I love you so much, it's almost embarrassing.

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One Year Ago: Olivia Audrey Knepper
Two Years Ago: Happy Valentine's Day: I got my period!