Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Three Parties for the Three Year Old

Yeah, we had three "parties" for Olivia this year, at our house, because I thought it would be easier than having one big party somewhere else.

Sometimes I experience these ridiculous delusions of grandeur that lead me to believe that I am some kind of magical crafty supermom capable of throwing a birthday party that will cause some other mom browsing Pinterest to have an instant orgasm (Pingasm?) at the thought of stealing my food and decor ideas for her own.

Except that I stole my ideas from someone else and plus I suck at crafts and everything else and preparing food stresses me out and also? Is expensive and ALSO?!  I have to clean it up myself. 

Am idiot.

First, we had a cake on her actual birthday.  Presents from one of her grandmas and all the ice cream cake she could shove in her carb hole.  Which is, like, pretty much an entire cake.

Then, the following weekend, we had a family party on Saturday and a friends party on Sunday.  I thought this would be easy because I would only have to decorate once and then I could just get all of the food ready on Friday and then put it out on the correct day.


Ha ha.


Pretty much what happened is that I was running around like an idiot trying to prepare a ton of food that could only fit into my fridge if positioned exactly so, like some kind of refrigerator jigsaw puzzle.  I made cupcakes!  And a chili bar!  And baked potatoes!  Hot dogs!  Nachos!  It was quite delicious, actually.  But not any easier or cheaper than having a party somewhere where they get everything ready and you just show up.

Pinterest threw up all over my house.

 Then, on Sunday, we had a friend party.  That one was pretty easy since everything was decorated and I ordered the cake and cupcakes and some of the food.  

Cake and Cupcakes by Becky Klein,
Sweets and Stems
No real plan except to let a bunch of kids run around and do whatever while I got some much-needed grown up conversation and drank almost an entire bowl of punch by myself.

Presents and cake and tattoos, oh my!
I didn't take a picture of the punch, as previously discussed I was too busy trying to drink the entire bowl before anyone else could have some.  But I made a double batch for this party and for a baby shower and the bowl was completely empty both times.  SO GOOD!

Orange Dream Punch (from AllRecipes.com)


1/2 gallon orange sherbet
1 (6 ounce) can frozen orange juice concentrate
1 (2 liter) bottle ginger ale


Place sherbet and frozen orange juice concentrate in a punch bowl. Allow to thaw for 10 to 15 minutes. Stir in ginger ale.

I doubled this recipe, but used 1/2 gallon of orange sherbet and 1/2 gallon of vanilla ice cream because a bunch of comments recommended it.  YUM YUM YUM.  Just make sure that, if you're doing the original recipe, that you only used half of the can of orange juice - those cans are 12 ounces.
So, anyway, next year I'll be paying someone to show up, party, and leave.  I blame Pinterest for making me feel like I have to throw some kind of magical home made party or I don't love my kid. 

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Six years...

Mark and Jen Knepper:
Dodging Shitstorms since 3-18-06
(photo by Noble Images)

Monday, March 12, 2012

eHarmony Sweepstakes - almost out of time!

You have a few more days to answer a question for a chance to win a $100 gift card!

Click here!!


Only...oh, almost a month ago at this point, Olivia turned three.

February 2012
Oh yes.  She is definitely saying, "cheese!!!!!!" and hording 5 princesses.

Only, oh, almost a year and a month ago at this point, Olivia turned two.  It is so annoying when you have a new baby and people say the standard, "enjoy it, it goes so fast!" But really.  It does.  It goes really fast.

February 2011
How is she three?  This pic of my two year old feels like days ago.

My little girl turned into a big girl.  It wasn't over night but it was close.  One day she was putting a few words together, and then the next week she was having full conversations about her day.  Funny conversations that make partial sense but also have some serious exaggerations.

March 2011
Side pony tail and improperly buckled car seat.  Lets go to target!!!!
(I do seriously fix the buckle...gotta catch the cute as it happens though!)

I have a scar under my nose. You know those two lines under your nose? It kind of looks like I have a third one. I was sitting on the floor with Olivia a few weeks ago and she noticed my scar.

Olivia: Hey! You need a tissue? I get one for ya...

Me: No...that's a scar!

Olivia: Scarf?

Me: Scar. I had a really bad boo boo when I was little and it left a mark on my face. A scar.

Olivia: You got a scarf when you little?

Me: I did!
Olivia: How you do that?

Me: I hit my face on the corner of a table at Grandma Lori's house when I was a little girl.

Olivia: (scratches her head) Oh. That doesn't sound good.

April 2011
She didn't care who brought the basket treats for Easter last year.
This year, I told her about the bunny who fills her basket.
She looked at me like, bitch, are you crazy?
Much like every other three year old in the universe, she is in an independent phase.   "I will just get some M&Ms ALL BY MYSELF REAL QUICK."  Or, she will help with whatever we are doing.  Everything takes double the time with her help but it's cute so how can you care, ya know?

May 2011
What is it with bubbles?

Olivia is an iPhone junkie.  She can unlock, find the app she wants, and start it up.  Our Netflix app has been a lifesaver with everything going on because Olivia can watch pretty much any movie she wants.  Sometimes she watches Family Guy which is OK because it's a cartoon.  Right?

June 2011
Washing the dishes.
  So far we have avoided any swear words.  The worst that she says is, "what da heck?!" which I will not ever correct because the cuteness, obviously.  She says a lot of things that aren't funny to anyone but us and aren't really funny anyway.  They're just cute because they're things she hears us say.  "I'm just gonna do this real quick."  Or, "I just wanna watch this show for ooooone two seconds." 

July 2011
There is pretty much a 100% chance we will raise a gaggle of weirdos.

One of my very favorite things is her bedtime routine.  She loves to read stories, but first she has to get all of her 500 bed toys organized and be tucked in properly.  We've read a Tangled story so much that if we stop mid-sentence, she will finish.  After the story, Mark and I kiss her and hug her at the same time.  "Kiss togever!  Big hug togever!"  We tell her we love her and to have a good rest.  When she wakes up in the morning, she says, "I had a good rest."

August 2011
So far, she is the only baby to occupy Ainsley's crib.

Potty training is going....OK.  We had to force the issue after I went to tour preschools and they were all casually like, "yeah, your giant 3 year old has to be potty trained you inadequate piece of parenting disappointment."  So she's mostly potty trained.  She pees well on the potty but has decided that pooping on the potty is the goddamned devil and holds it for days until she drops the deuce of a hung-over 40 year old man.  But we have until September to get it on lockdown and also whatever.  Maybe she will wear diapers in college for pooping.  At this point I'm ok with that.

September 2011
LOVES her sister.
Most nights consist of a dance party/shark attack on mommy and daddy's bed.  She loves to listen to music (mookzik) and dance on the bed.  Lately she has been forcing the dogs to come up with her so that she can call them sharks and push Mark off the bed-boat to his certain sharky death. 

October 2011
Trick or treat, give me candy now please.
 We went to her 3 year well visit and were scolded like school children about Olivia's eating habits.  Does she get fruits and veggies?  No?  Get on it, idiots.  This kid will gag from the tips of her toes when presented with a vegetable or non-apple/banana/watermelon fruit.  Unless it is chips or candy she feels like we can pretty much shove it up our asses. 

November 2011
Olivia, Mark, Ainsley, Ainsley's Tubing, New Knepper Bump, and Jen.

I think that Olivia will be a great big sister.  She is very concerned about Ainsley - is she tired? Did she poop?  She stinks!  She needs a baff!  Is she crying? When one of us leaves to go to the hospital she always wants to come.  We don't bring her much because all 4 of us make for a very crowded room.  

And she loves new sister, too.  She pats my belly and asks if she is asleep and says, "I wuv her."  She also says she has a baby in her belly.  If she does have a baby in her belly, it's a carb-candy baby.

December 2011
Cute Christmas Pic.
Baxter is always creepin.

She has a love/hate relationship with her dogs, Baxter and Milo.  Sometimes she screams at them for looking at her toys.  Sometimes, she scolds me for screaming at the dogs.  "Dey jus sniffin mah blankie, MOM."  Yes, she calls me mom, with a long drawn out O sound.  Moooooom.  She is indifferent about Baxter but she generally loves poor Milo.  Loves, hugs, chases, tortures Milo.  She calls him buddy.

Critical to the survival of every day are her "wittle goals." A bunch of Strawberry Shortcake dolls and some Little People make up the little girls hoard stash. All the Shortcake dolls she calls her strawberries. The Little People have names - Lisa and Eena. Not sure where she came up with those!

January 2012
Not a fan of sitting still!

Twice, when I've made her mad, she called me Mother Gothel.  Or, Musser Gossel.  Mother Gothel is the mean old bitch who stole Rapunzel from her parents and forced her to live in a tower so that her hair could provide everlasting youth.  Sounds about right, don't you think?

February 2012
Disney Princesses (Rapunzel/Tangled)
Her dog Milo (Her dog Baxter...not so much.)
Jumping on the Bed
Singing and Dancing
Playing Outside
Listening to Mookzik

Pooping on the Potty (HATES!)

Olivia right now is such a sweet little person.  She is a bit sensitive but independent.  Mostly outgoing but occasionally shy.  She is so so so funny, and smart.  She calls our bluff on almost everything.  I really don't think that we would have survived the past year without Olivia keeping us laughing all the time.  

Worth every jealous moment, every injection, every frustrating month of waiting, every awkward doctor and vag cam appointment.  Totally worth it. 


One Year Ago:  Two
Three Years Ago:  Olivia Audrey Knepper

Saturday, March 3, 2012

eHarmony Sweepstakes Reminder!

Don't forget to enter to win a $100 gift card, courtesy of eHarmony!  Click here for the rules and details!

I am currently drowning in party planning details and plan (hope?!) to have blogging time soon. 

Some of you will be proud - I even called a lady out for being rude about how Shockingly Youge I Am. 

Some of you will think I'm an asshole.  That's bound to happen anyway.