How many times has this happened to you? You are trolling the parking lot for an acceptable space, and as you race up a row you scout out a cherry spot - ripe for the picking! As you swing into the parking spot, you slam on your breaks and come to a stop in front of what might possibly be the most annoying phrase ever emblazoned onto metal:
PARKING FOR EXPECTING MOTHERS ONLY.
Well, of fucking course.
Now before you get all pregnant pushing on me, I would like to point out that I get the basis behind the idea. I am sure it is a pain in the ass to walk from the parking lot into a store when you are carrying 30 extra pounds in your stomach. I fully get that. But I still think it's annoying, and I also think that Parking for New Mothers Only makes more sense, because it has to be hard to juggle a newborn, your purse, and the 20 pounds still left in your stomach after delivery.
So I get it. Pregnant people are delicate flowers.
Still fucking annoying.
And how does one define "expecting?" All infertiles are expecting to expect at some time, right? Wouldn't that make them expecting mothers? What about someone who pissed on her last pee stick at 7dpo and needs to drive to the store to get more. Is she considered expecting? How about me? I am full of liquid and gas that feels like a solid, and I am indeed pregnant (with a 27,000 beta to prove it), so do I qualify for parking in this spot? Must you be at 70 inches around the midsection to park there? So confusing.
But anyway, on Saturday. I slammed on my breaks when I saw the sign. And guess what?
I PARKED THE SHIT OUT OF THAT SPOT!
I did it for me, and I did it for infertiles everywhere! I even have photographic proof!
I also suffered from the burden of moron management today. Click here to read about that.
37 comments:
Awwwwww Yeeeeeaaah! You're a closet Thug...it works for you!
I agree that it makes more sense for new mothers. But go you!! They should also have some for Mom's of small children, that are right beside the cart returns.
You ARE expecting, you should park the shit out of it. I mean it doesn't say specifically "Parking for Mothers Expecting Wildebeasts Only". I think you qualify. :)
Amen sister!! I resent the hell out of those suburban mother spots. Thank you from infertiles everywhere!
You go girl! You have just as much right to that spot as anyone else (esp. with betas in the 27000's!)
Hell yeah!! Thank you for parking on behalf of all mothers, expectant mothers, wannabe-expectant mothers, and people who are just plain ol' tired of big fat preggos getting everything handed to them on a silver platter! Whoopee!!
That must have felt good parking there, huh? :)
Now, you complete me babes!!!
WOO-FUCKING-HOO!!!!!!!
I park there just because, and that was even before I became a bitter infertile.
Thanks for the laughs, Jen. (:
I so feel avenged!!!!
Awesome! You should carry around a postive pee stick and throw it at anyone that doubts your expectant motherness. Haha!
Oh yeah!! I was at one of those annoying "Westfield Shoppingtown" malls (Shoppingtown...WTF??) recently, and I was seriously tempted to park in one of those spots. Sometime soon, I'm going to do it, I think. I've always been annoyed by those signs. I don't think they care one bit about the pg woman's well being or comfort; they just want to try to appeal to someone who may be in a spendy mood.
If it's meant for prego women about to go into labor any minute, I doubt they really need to be going to the Nordstrom Rack at the Shoppingtown anyway, ya know?? I'd love to be stopped by some security guard for not being "pregnant enough" to use the spot. Ha!!!
I love how you parked in that spot, Jen. I also love the Beaker IVF test tube baby picture/reference. I've heard other people online complain about every one of the things you wrote about - are they "natural," etc.
NIIIICCCEEE!!! I have always been tempted to do that! Good for you!! You are my hero!
I'm so happy you and your 'kittens' were able to park in that awesome spot! It must've felt gooooood!
You are awesome!!!
heh
smoooooth moves, girl
Perfectly acceptable. You are an expectant mother. I find those spots irritating. Something else I am not good enough for.
OMG-I have been wanting to write about those damn spots for months, I couldn't have said it any better myself-and certainly not with as much humor. Thanks for the laugh.
Woohoo! Goooo Jen! I am soo proud of you!!! I did the same thing...right after getting pregnant and rightfully so. LOL =)
I hate those. I saw them at BRU and almost ran one over and then decided I didn't have time and my car *just* got fixed.
Go you.
I hate that sign!!!! I see it every time I go to the grocery store too! Maybe we're in the same town?
I hate that sign!!!! I see it every time I go to the grocery store too! Maybe we're in the same town?
That sign is responsible for me becoming unexpectedly pregnant with my third child after suffering infertility for the first two. I didn't think I could get pregnant on my own! Never underestimate the power of the sign! Keep parking there, girl.
You are expecting. It's only fair. I also think it should really be for parents of small children. I mean, how do you get the kid in the car and the cart back to where it belongs?
Good for you and your litter. I'm proud of you. I like to slink past them and grumble.
Notice anything different??? I'm posting with a BLUE name now - you are my reason for blogging.
Well, I guess I'll delurk.
You, Jennepper, are hilarious. I am at the beginning of my 2WW following my first IVF, and your blog has been great company today while I milked the hell out of this whole bedrest thing.
I'm not nearly as witty as you, but please feel free to check out my blog. Although I'm embarrassed to admit that we've shared some sketchily common thoughts, such as the whole "god hates me" thing. So I swear I'm not copying...otherwise I wouldn't have had the balls to delurk.
And now I'm just rambling all creepy-like. Cause I love your blog, and you're sort of an infertile superstar.
And congrats on the wildebeast growing in your belly.
I always see those darn signs and they REALLY annoy me, I mean REALLY annoy because of course, I've been dealing with IF for so long. And it's true, they would make more sense if they were for new mothers.
Ok, so I see them all the time and I've never parked in one of them because I obey rules. But I just had my 2nd IVF fail and damn it, I was an expectant mother for the tiny bit of time when my embryo blasts were inside me so when I recently saw the sign while at the drugstore and did just as you---I parked the shit out that spot!
By the way, congrats on your BFP!!!
I parked in one for the first time yesterday.
I'm 34 weeks pregnant.
Then I came home and mowed the lawn, moved about a ton of landscape gravel to put a weed screen underneath of it, and cleaned the bathrooms with a *gasp* chemical cleaner. Pregnancy is obviously NOT a handicap.
I think (as the mother of a 2.5 year old also) that the parking spots should be reserved for those frazzled new mothers with a baby, baby carrier, 2 diaper bags and 1.5 hours of sleep in the last week who are just running in to grab ANOTHER FREAKING THING OF DIAPERS BECAUSE FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU CHANGE THIS LITTLE SQUIRMY THING IN ONE DAY!
AMEN! You are with child and have every right to park in there! More than others do!!!
You're awesome, Jen! Way to take a stand for us :)
WOO HOO!!!! You rock!
If we had such signs here, well if we even had parking places here, i would soo park in it. I mean after 5 IVF's shouldn't I be "expecting" to be pregnant dammit someday? You are awesome, well done girl!
You are expecting, you get to park there.
I never really understood those spots until I was PG with Ian. ( months PG to be exact.Then, yes...I used them and would drive around until I found one b/c I could barely waddle my fat ass in to the store much less across the parking lot in 90 degree weather.
New mother parking makes much more sense in general though.
My trick, for future reference, is always park near the cart return...grab a cart and put the carrier in and it makes it easier when you get out of the store. :)
I'm a little late posting...You Go Sista!!!!!!
I love your "Vexing Vernacular" blog too.
GO JEN! I did the SAME DAMN THING at CVS last weekend. I parked all 5 weeks some odd days of my expectant ass in that spot! I DARED them to tell me I WASN'T (in my head of course, hehe).
Jen-I'mjust so happy for you. Your pg seems to be progressing along well! Congrats again!
BTW, I have tagged you on my blog. If you have a few minutes, then feel free to complete, otherwise, no big deal!
Have a great Fourth of July weekend!
I'm still ne to your blog, so that's why I am responding 2 years later (to the day!!!)
I always park in these spots. My roll prptected me before, but now bwing pregnant I do it the legit way!
Also, this is how I told my husband I was preg. I made a sign saying "Expectant Fathers Parking Only" (There's a picture on my blog (most recent post) if you care to see!!!)
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